There are certain topics in life that deserve thoughtful, serious discussion. Politics, the economy, Taylor Swift’s wedding to what’s-his-name, retirement planning—and, obviously, hamburgers.
Many of you know I grew up on the East Coast but had the good fortune to live in San Diego for 10 years during the 1990s. These days, I’m back in San Diego fairly often, giving me the opportunity to revisit one of the more important East Coast–West Coast debates: In-N-Out versus Five Guys.
On paper, it’s a good matchup: the legendary California institution versus an East Coast burger joint born when a family decided to use the kids’ college money to open a restaurant instead of actually sending them to college. In hindsight, not a terrible investment.
In-N-Out has a near-religious following of people who will happily explain why you’ve been ordering your burger wrong. The burgers are fresh, flavorful and remarkably consistent. The regular menu is famously simple, but then comes the not-so-secret menu: Double-Doubles, Flying Dutchman, Grilled Onion Wrapped, 3×3, 4×4, Protein Style, Animal Style…somehow six basic menu items have evolved into needing a decoder ring to order lunch. The fries are made fresh on-site but, in my opinion, are less than world-class. Regardless, a solid burger experience for a massive fast-food chain.
Five Guys is the East Coast challenger. The burgers are bigger, messier and made to order, with enough free toppings to turn a cheeseburger into a personal construction project. Then there are the fries—served in a cup, followed by another shovel-full dumped into the bag for reasons nobody questions. There are no secret handshakes required, and your burger arrives wrapped in foil looking nothing like a food commercial. Somehow, that’s part of the charm.
But there’s a dark horse in this race.
One without hundreds of locations, a secret menu or a national following: Rocky’s Crown Pub, a little neighborhood bar in Pacific Beach that I discovered while living in San Diego in the ’90s.I became well acquainted with Rocky’s, spending more than a few weekend afternoons there nursing a mild hangover and trying to reconstruct the events of the night before. Sometimes successfully. Sometimes it was probably better not to know. Rocky’s has been quietly serving one of San Diego’s best burgers for decades. No endless toppings, no marketing gimmicks. Rocky’s essentially asks two questions: Cheese? How big? I respect this enormously. And while In-N-Out has an elaborate ordering system for its fries, Rocky’s takes a different approach: cook them until they’re golden brown, put them in a basket and serve them. Done.
So, after extensive research spanning two coasts, three burger joints and more years than I care to admit, here is my completely subjective and scientifically indefensible scorecard.
Best Burger: Rocky’s. The dark horse takes the most important category.
Best Fries: Five Guys. Quantity may not always equal quality, but in this case, dumping an extra scoop into the bag certainly doesn’t hurt.
Best Value: In-N-Out. You can still buy lunch without consulting your financial advisor.
Best Atmosphere: Rocky’s. Sometimes a neighborhood bar beats a multinational operation simply by being a neighborhood bar.
Best Menu: Rocky’s. Cheese? How big? I remain a fan of this system.
Best Hangover Burger: Rocky’s. Admittedly, the others never had a fair chance. Rocky’s built an insurmountable lead during my Pacific Beach years.
Overall Winner: Rocky’s Crown Pub.
In-N-Out has the California mystique. Five Guys is a worthy East Coast challenger. But nearly 30 years later, I’m still taking the little neighborhood bar in Pacific Beach. Maybe it’s nostalgia. Maybe everything tasted better when I was younger and living near the Pacific Ocean. Or maybe Rocky’s simply makes a better burger. Either way, I’m sticking with the dark horse. Although in the interest of journalistic integrity, I’m willing to continue the research.
My challenge to my East Coast friends… where is your go-to burger joint?